Territorial Dispute

I was on Manhunt the other night and found the very charming and literate profile of a young man “looking for a date, and if sex happens afterward then that’s great too.”

I wrote to him:

What a lovely profile you have.  I wasn’t prepared to see a profile like that on here, but now I have to say hello, as you’ve appealed to my non-base desires as well.  How are you?

He wrote back:

thanks for your kind words, but unfortunately your profile is not as lovely.  too sex-focused.  kind of a turn-off.  sorry.

I ran to the kitchen to console myself with a pomegranate popsicle, which prompted melted from the fire of my mounting annoyance.  In my bedroom again, I wrote back:

OK, usually I wouldn’t press a “thanks but no thanks” any further, but I must say that yours would be a fair criticism of my profile if this were Match.com.  Cut me a break, I’m doing material that’s appropriate for the venue.

He wrote back:

okay, i’ll give you a shot at me.  tell me in one sentence why i should have a crush on you.

I wrote back:

No thanks.  Have a good night.

You know what’s kind of a turn-off for me?  Having to audition for a chance at some guy having a crush on me when he’s oblivious to simple context clues.

It’s Manhunt, you simpleton.  So what if you like Joan Didion?  Joan sees the forest for the trees.  She’d never list her favorite authors in her Manhunt profile.